Philosophers have been struggling to find an adequate distinction of love for thousands of years. Love is a complex subject. It is fluid and changes over time as a bond ages. What is love to an individual is not to another. Is love a feeling or an experiencing?
Is love a more cognitive concept; such as a choice? Precisely what is the difference between reading “I like you” and “I love you”? Many years ago I discovered an article* on the triangle of absolutely adore. Sternberg argues that a love relationship consists of three parts, namely: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Without relational wellbeing real emotional intimacy cannot develop into a deep and rich experience. Marital love requires emotional intimacy, physical passion, commitment, and protection for it to flourish and last.
When a romance is only based on commitment people find empty love; all the couple is just living alongside one another. There can also be combinations in two elements in a love relationship, such as, intimacy and passion resulting in romantic love. Other possible combinations happen to be between intimacy and commitments resulting in companionate love, and between commitment and passion resulting in fatuous love.
Regularly have a heart to help you heart talk with your spouse regarding these four elements of like. Honestly inquire how dedicated you are. Measure emotional closeness by how often you will talk and about what you talk. Flirt, play, and build the passion concerning you. Resolve to be a safe and sound spouse. Relationships are all about how we relate. Do a lot of relating with your spouse the following week.
What’s very important is that most happy, healthy, and lasting associations contain all three of these elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Sternberg calls these kinds of love consummate love.
Can I really open up my heart in your direction? Will you still love all of us if you know who I really is? Will you use your disclosure against me afterwards? Will you laugh at me or joke at my expense if I tell you what I think? Is my heart safe in your hands? Certain keep my heart’s secrets safe?
May I be so dazzling as to suggest that Sternberg’s model lacks an element of love which I believe is as important as the other three. The fact that element of love is relational safety. Relational safety concerns how safe each spouse feels in the relationship. This elements asks the following inquiries. Is it safe to tell most people my secrets?
It may be helpful to examine your relationship along these kind of four elements of love. How about one or more elements of love which are not doing well in your rapport? Is your relationship well balanced (regarding these elements)? Is there any element that you may need to work on? You may find it good for.
When a relationship is based on just one or two of these components that love relationship takes on a better character. A relationship established only on intimacy, for instance, is no more than just noticing a person. Similarly, when a rapport is only based on passion their bond is infatuation.